I hate being such an angry emotional shit. I’m used to sucking it up and manning up and nothing really bothers me.
But inside my house all I see and feel is regret, like I’m somehow responsible for something I have no hand in. And outside my house I do nothing but let the people closest to me down and what they think of me, which for some stupid reason matters to me, just grows worse by the day.
I hate being insanely jealous and obsessed because this is not who I was: I am not one to crave attention or affection, but I can’t control myself where you are concerned and I feel left out. I hate complaining or confiding online or offline because its such a pussy thing to do. I’m a guy and I don’t need a fucking support group.
As much as I can no longer stand on my own two feet, I promise to not be such a fucking whiny bitch and be as strong as I used to be. It is cowardly to run from problems and wish it weren’t so or wish there was a way out instead of accepting them.
I make this promise to you because I don’t want you to think I am weak. Because I am not. I don’t want to be a fucking pissed off victim-type thats so incredibly difficult to deal with anymore because it doesn’t make you smile or laugh or feel better. In fact I know it disappoints you when I get frustrated over stupid things. Because I don’t want to not know how to make you feel better when you miss me. Because I don’t want to type long gay tumblr posts like an emo shitter.
And can I just say that these two days I have been pretty fucking annoyed when I wait 2 mins for a reply on steam and you’re talking on steam to other people. Or you tell me to game and I drop whatever I’m doing hoping to have a good time only for you to go do something else minutes later, and after that you’re too tired or don’t have the mood to even type more than a few words except to tell me you had a good time while I waited. I need a hug really badly tonight.
So I’m going to man up right this instant and tell you to ignore all that because I am just complaining and raging stupidly. Goodnight and I’m sorry for being silly once again, I just need a place to vent out and I think the Twitter people are sick of my whining. I HAPPY ALREADYYYYY.
Goodnight darling :> (the thought of you sleeping so soundly in your bed makes me smileeeeee)